So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
