You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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