I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
