Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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