Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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