just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
