last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
