You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
