2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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