You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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