i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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