Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
