Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
