Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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