peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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