don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
