Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
