Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
