I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's get the cat blown out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
