she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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