Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
