What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
