I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
