im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
