I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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