Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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