Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (4030) Bad night (743)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.

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  (520): she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce. http://tfl.nu/u935
  Replies (25) Good night (723) Bad night (7032)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

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  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5675) Bad night (1129)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

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  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4619) Bad night (907)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (11165) Bad night (1320)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?

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  (517): hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive? http://tfl.nu/un6m
  Replies (9) Good night (4647) Bad night (1017)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day

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  (512): Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day http://tfl.nu/zcoa
  Replies (6) Good night (2204) Bad night (1497)
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  (661): View more from California

  No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry.

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  (661): No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges... (661): Sorry. http://tfl.nu/vg1q
  Replies (13) Good night (621) Bad night (1508)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.

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  (704): Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second. http://tfl.nu/m6sh
  Replies (5) Good night (981) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again

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  (904): i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying. (904): Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again http://tfl.nu/fp8z
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"

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  (954): Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!" http://tfl.nu/vh6t
  Replies (21) Good night (1507) Bad night (678)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.

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  (307): Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation. http://tfl.nu/c3ab
  Replies (5) Good night (1600) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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  (306): dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high" http://tfl.nu/ssrm
  Replies (3) Good night (1094) Bad night (347)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink

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  (303): And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink http://tfl.nu/e5yq
  Replies (0) Good night (363) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

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  (830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3
  Replies (1) Good night (329) Bad night (238)

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