when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
