Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.