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If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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