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• (305): View more from Florida

  Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.

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  25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.

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  27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW

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