Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY