Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind

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(914): View more from New York

I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.

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(509): View more from Washington

I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.

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