She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced