Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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