Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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