oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
