I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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