Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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