She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
