Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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