Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
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woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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