it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.