Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dad just said "fuck circus"