he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?