just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.