I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.