The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.