Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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