I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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