FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
