I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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