I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
