I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
