I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
