I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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