laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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