yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
