I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
