I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
