I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
