there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
