they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
