Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
