I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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