Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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