Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
