I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
