why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
