Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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