Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
