honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
